My name is Andrii, I am 44 years old, I am gay. I am from Odesa, and even though I’ve been in Poland for more than half a year now, I remember the beginning of the full-scale invasion perfectly.

The 23rd of February was a regular day – the middle of the working week. There was a TV program called “Expertise” where small and medium-sized entrepreneurs came to talk about their products and services. On that day for the second time we interviewed a seller of medicinal leeches. What can you possibly talk about for half an hour and for the second time with a person who sells leeches?

Somewhere in the middle of the broadcast it dawned on me – my partner, with whom we’d just had a falling out, lived in Kyiv; I was almost 50 years old, and I earned less than those guys who delivered parcels at “Nova Poshta”. Did I have fame? Recognition? Well, maybe once a month, one of the pensioners would recognize me and start berating me to stop messing with their heads with my “cure-all medicine”. As you can see, 23rd February was a sad and even depressing day for me personally.

Nevertheless, I remember the beginning of the war very clearly. I texted my friends and acquaintances on Facebook all night, but ghosted my boyfriend. I typed and typed and then there was a loud bang. My cup of coffee almost fell out of my hands. I went to the window – it was dark there and I couldn’t see anything. The news had already been spreading over Facebook: “War!”

My teeth chattered in horror. And then my boyfriend called from Kyiv. I picked up the phone – and again there was an explosion! When I heard his voice, I felt somewhat relieved. He calmed me down and was able to convince me to come to him to Kyiv. I couldn’t sleep that night.

My thoughts were foggy the whole morning. I texted my boss, she told me to sit at home for now, to wait until things became more or less clear. I couldn’t understand what to wait for, I needed to go! But then my boyfriend called me and said that it’s dangerous to go to Kyiv now either… Long story short, until the middle of March I wasn’t myself, I watched the news every hour checking what was happening in the capital, worried about my boyfriend.

There was no one to talk to about it too. Gay community in Odesa isn’t very friendly. Gays had been oppressed here for many years, decades. I was even fired from a company once because one of my colleagues had told the manager that I was gay. And this is despite the fact that my boyfriend and I hadn’t held hands or kissed in public…

In short, I was stuck in the city. Prices for everything began to soar. I was sitting and waiting. I ate noodles. The money was slowly running out, and there was nowhere to work because our television company had been dissolved.

After the Russian forces retreated from Kyiv, my boyfriend came to Odesa, it wasn’t attacked as much then. He brought some money, we lived together for a week, and then he told me that I had to leave the country and that he would come to me later.

I must say that I was very lucky. I crossed the border in Uhryniv. It is not a very popular and well-known town on the border with Poland, so I only stayed there for a few hours. Later I was told people could be stuck at the border for several days.

The Poles were amazing to be honest! They donated their things and even allowed refugees to stay in their apartments. I became a volunteer at the centre for refugees. Perhaps, for the first time since the beginning of the war, I felt useful.

And then my boyfriend called me. From the trench. He said something like: “Well, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.” I thought he would come here to visit me, as he had promised. But he’d gone to war. The girls from the press service of the center had to calm me with sedatives…

He is alive. He’s defending Ukraine on the front lines. Of course, I’m helping him. And not only him, all our guys and girls. I hope that after the victory he will come here. Will I go back? I don’t know. Because I don’t know whether Ukraine will become a tolerant country, and I want to live the rest of my life with dignity. Yes, I still love Odesa, but I’m waiting for my boyfriend here.